If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
