And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
