I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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