Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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