if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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