He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
