I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
