oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
