Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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