I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
