Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
