Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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