i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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