im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
