My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
