He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
