I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
