every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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