Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
