So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
