His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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