I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
