Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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