I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
