You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
