I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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