my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
