its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
