So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
