I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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