What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
