I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
