is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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