hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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