She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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