Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
