i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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