when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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