I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
porn star boner night. come get it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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