I can't watch pbs sober anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
