it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
