I will die if light touches me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
