apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
