So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
