wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
