Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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