I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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