pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
