I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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