SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
